Within three hours of closing my eyes B has managed to spank off in the bathroom, not flush, go to the other room, and continue his "private matters".
Question - Why am I up? This is disturbing behavior, always disturbs me. I hate it. I find that it that the deviance coincides with his aggression towards me and leaves me afraid and angry and I hate that. So to one side I am forced to ignore the behavior, because if I don't the escalation turns into bruises on if not my body, not spirit.
I realize that this all could end if I could walk away, but do people realize how many people are stuck. Stuck in a cycle, stuck believeing in some way shape or form the words/the actions are now their worth, stuck financially. I am disabled, which I guess makes his actions a little more unforgivable. But it is not as if I don't cook, clean, pay food, bills with my disability check, but that check would make it seem like I worked a week at my previous job and it is supposed to take care of lodging/rent too!??! PLEASE.
These government people have no idea what it like, to know you have limited time, multiple surgeries, a thirst for knowledge, great mind, wicked humor, but have to decide during the winter to pay gas bill and not eat, or keep gas/heat down as low as it will go and barely eat sleeping in your jacket and multiple blankets, thinking about your children realizing in some great way you have failed them (ALWAYS keeping their bellies full, never letting them go without). The bruises well they heal at least on the outside.
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